Dear David Cross,

I just finished your book, I Drink For A Reason.  I admit that it took me a while to read, but this was largely because I read at least 98% of it while shitting.  Don’t take offense to this—it says nothing about my opinion of the book—it’s just what I happened to be doing while reading it, and only a few times did I have the urge to tear out some of the pages to use as toilet paper.

It just occurred to me, as I advanced to this second paragraph, that I’ve never written any sort of book review, and it is not that easy.  There is a reason that you get paid for your writing/comedy and I do it purely as a hobby.  It’s kind of like when you’re in a crowded area, and you suddenly smell a fart, and automatically find yourself glancing around trying to guess who did it.  It could be that fat guy that has bad hygiene, or maybe it was that hot girl with the amazing ass…  Scratch that—it’s nothing like that.

Overall, I was happy with the book.  Many times I found myself laughing so hard that my wife was calling into the bathroom to make sure I was OK.  The chapter called “Minutes from the Development and Programming Meeting for FOX television’s new season” was particularly humorous.  I presume that the network’s pathetic handling of Arrested Development served as your inspiration for that one.  Also worthy of noting is your open letter to Larry the Cable Guy (AKA Dan Whitney, unbeknownst by 90% of his fans).

“[…] the fish stickers that Christians put on their cars to let people know that they don’t believe in most science.”  (Paraphrased quote, probably around page 53)

I was surprised to find that the book is thought-provoking as well as funny.  Because I’m not an atheist that lives on the coast, I can’t say that I was cheering you on through much of the Christian-knocking parts of the book, but I must say that you raise some excellent points.  I’d give some examples, but, as I said before, I’m not getting paid for this, and have already spent enough time trying to write this.

Thus, in closing, great book, great thoughts, great online supplementary material.  Give me a call next time you’re in Salt Lake—we can go streaking through the Temple Grounds.