Barnes & Noble

So Tara and I were at Barnes & Noble last night.  I think one of the biggest reasons we like going there is what other store can you spend an hour in and not spend any money?  I find that store particularly amusing during the holidays.  In particular, their little “kits”.  “Hot Stone Massage Kit” $15.  Isn’t that just stones and a little booklet?  I could do that for free with a trip outside and google.  In a way, these kits are quite genius.  Lets face it:  A good number of people are going to be frantically perusing the store for gifts.  They come to the table with the kits, and look–there’s a paper snowflake kit!  “My sister likes origami, this is perfect!”  And without a second thought, they purchase a gift that will serve 5 to 10 minutes of enjoyment and then an additional item of clutter.  However, because it’s packaged in a cutsie way, it has that certain emotional impact that masks it’s relative uselessness.
Even better are the “mini kits” that line the checkout line.  A “love furtune cookie”, a tiny zen garden, and nothing says after-thought like a tiny bonsai tree that will never grow.  But its so cute though! Anyway, I digress.

We did have some purpose for being there other than burning an hour of our Friday evening so we wouldn’t be going to bed at 10: A wedding gift for a couple to supplement the registry gift.  I was hoping to find a book that might give a newlywed couple some much needed advice, if you know what I mean…  You know, something tasteful, subtle, but to the point.  We started in the relationships section.  I could immediately tell that we wouldn’t find anything here.  All these books seem to be by women for women.  “How to Understand Women” by Sarah Bell*: Chapter 1: Communication is Key, Ch. 2: Communicate, duh!, Ch. 3: Just Tell her how you feel…  There were of course some probably good books for building a successful marriage, but the couple probably had to read similar books for premarriage counseling, and I feel like giving a marriage book as a wedding gift sends a bit of a pessimistic message.
We moved on to the sex section, which conveniently flanks the relationships section.  This is sort of more what I was thinking: “365 sensual truth or dares”–oh, but it’s by Cosmo.  Forget it.  “The One Hour Orgasm”–probably not appropriate.  “How to Please Her”–beneficial, but I really don’t know him, so that would probably be awkward.  These are all too blunt.  Why is there no happy in between?  We decided to leave the couple to discover the sex section at B&N on their own after they get bored and he discovers that she is grossed out by the 3D animations on sexinfo101.com… 

Tara suggested finding a cook book.  This sounded like a great idea.  There has to be a cookbook geared for a newlywed couple.  Alas, the only book they had that was even remotely what we were looking for was called: “Bride and Groom: First and Forever Recipe Book” $35.  Screw that! 

It was then that we mutually hatched an idea for the best cook book ever.  It’s so good, I hesitate to post it on here lest someone take the idea, but I don’t plan on publishing a book any time soon, or ever, so here it is.  It’s called “Sex for Dessert” and its all simple-to-make recipes that involve brief preparation and then letting it cook unattened for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.  The premise being that the couple prepares it together and then goes off to do “other things” while it cooks and then comes back later to enjoy it.  The book could also have “activity suggestions” that pair well with the food.  Epic book idea?  I thought so.  If anybody knows of such a book that already exists please let me know–I’d probably be interested.

Also, please don’t spell check this post.  Firefox is being dumb and not putting the red lines under mispelled words for me, and you all know how my spelling is.  I’m an engineer people!  I only have to spell things like: for, while, if, int, char, volatile, etc.

*Made-up author